Have you ever wanted to do something so badly, to have something so much you can't bear to fail? You have to succeed or else your whole world might fall apart?
I think you might have, in some way or another, maybe not to the extreme feelings as those, but in a form of it.
I don't think i'm the only one out there that struggles with the fear, the debilitating self doubt, the voice which tells us we will never be good enough. The voice which whispers, not sweet nothings in our ears, but instead lies, of the sorts that keep us from moving forward.
Have you ever felt that way about anything? I have, and I still do to a point. Some days are better than others. But if we you stay enslaved to this fear, self doubt and insecurities, you'll end up missing out on something that could be so amazingly good.
As humans, we don't like to be vulnerable. We don't like to express our feelings to each other, to let people see how we really feel, how we really struggle.
You can look on Facebook and see everyone's highlight reel to see what I mean. It showcases all the good things, the fancy houses, cars, trips, you name it. All things which you might not have and a little voice inside you tells you too build up that wall, don't let people see you as human. Put up a facade which only lets part of you through to the world. The part which has no vulnerability.
So how do we overcome the voice in us that tells us we will never be good enough, that no one wants to listen to what we have to say, that our voice in this world is not important?
1. Positive Self Talk
Okay, I know what you're thinking, that this sounds so cheesy that it could never work. Trust me, I thought the same thing and sometimes still do, but as I am human and not a machine writing to you, I struggle too. But I keep pushing forwards.
Let's stop for a moment and think of how much power words have.
Words constitute laws, form binding contracts, signed our country into what it is with The Declaration of Independence.
If you believe in God, then He spoke words and the world burst forth into existence. That's some pretty powerful words there.
Those are examples of things outside of us that control how we are, what we are allowed to do, with words.
Now, on a smaller scale, but still just as important, are the words you speak to yourself, and others (though there could be an entire post I could write about the power of the words you speak to others.)
Do you think that the successful people in the world, the people who are genuinely happy (not just appear happy in pictures or Facebook) sit there and tell themselves they can't do something? Do they tell themselves they're not important and will never make it in life?
Shake your head no with me my friend because I can guarantee they don't. And you know what, you shouldn't either.
I know, I know, sometimes that is easier said than done, and trust me, I still have to actively remind myself if I recognize I'm starting to slip into negativity.
Do you need an example? Because I find that examples always help me solidify the point and let me know what I should do.
Well, say for example, uh hem, you're a writer and you've jut finished your manuscript and you must now have to go and revise it. (For those that don't realize, it's the point in time where you go back and look at everything that's wrong with your manuscript.) And you pick out all the horrible word usage and then start thinking to yourself. "Hey, this sucks, I wish I could write better. If only I could write like..... then I would be good enough." (This type of talk usually spirals into a tank of self hating, never a good thing)
Does this sound like something you've done? It could be with anything, something you've created artistically, a speech you've written, a meal you poured your heart and soul into that didn't quite go as planned?
So whenever I see myself falling into the tarpit of negativity, I reach for a pole and drag myself out.
This means that I reach inside and slap myself in the face (not for realsies) and tell myself I will not let that stupid little voice dictate who I am. Who I want to be.
There is power in words, and as crazy or cheesy as it might sound, you need to stop telling yourself you can't, you won't, you'll never, and start telling yourself, YOU WILL, YOU ARE GOOD, YOU MATTER and what you do and say matter to those around you as well.
We are the harshest critics of ourselves, no lie.
Just ask my husband and he'll agree that I'm the worst at it, but I try. That's what we can do, try, and keep trying and not give up.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Oh my gosh, I know this is so crazy hard for me to do. It partially goes along with the positive self talk, but is always important enough to have it's own spot.
How many times have you done something and then seen something so similar, but all you see is how it's better than what you just did.
Maybe you baked your first amazing gooey brownies from scratch and they came from the heart and you feel so proud, but then you go to post it and you come across a hundred other videos or posts just like yours.
And then you click on one and think what's the harm, let me see what they did. OKAY NO, STOP RIGHT THERE BUDDY.
Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about looking at what other people have done and applauding them for the hard work they've done. But what's bad is when you go and read what they've done and think about all the ways that what you've done doesn't even compare.
That all that hard work, effort, and time was for nothing because they added a hint of hazelnut to their brownies and you added vanilla.
Head shake. If only you would've thought of that. Then you promptly rake everything from the counter tops in dramatic arm sweep and plunge the plate of gooey delicious brownies in the trash, never to see the light of day again.
But wait, remember when I said we are our harshest critics? Yeah you do.
What if your brownies were the best thing since sliced bread ever made to this day, but yet you compared yourself to someone else and trashed them without even giving them a chance?
How is the world to know? Oh the tragedy!
But in all seriousness, whether it's comparing your writing, cooking, hair, make up, houses, cars (need I go on?) we have to make a mindful effort to NOT do that.
Everyone is unique. Everyone has their own set of skills and talents and you were made for the world to know your unique set of skills, knowledge, whatever it might be.
We don't need a million copies of the same person singing the same song, we need your special, one of a kind voice. One of a kind thoughts.
I hate that in this world we've become so obsessed, so lost in the fact we have to measure up to everyone else that we go broke, destroy our lives, speak negatively to ourselves in order to 'make it' in this life.
We've lost sight of what's important. To love others in their differences to us and be okay with not being a cloned copy of the most successful, most popular person out there.
So what do you do? You make an effort to stop yourself when you feel the comparing spirit whisper in your ear that what you did isn't good enough.
When you see someone else's work, you applaud them, be genuine and focus on what you have to work on and how you can improve, not in competition with someone, not because you feel you have to measure up to someone, but because you want to be the best you, you can be.
3. Feelings LIE
Did you know that you can lie to yourself?
Please, hold in your gasps, but yes, you totally can, and I find myself doing this more often than not. Which, by the way, is not something you want to do which is why I want to help you on your journey.
So lying to yourself doesn't sound like something you would do. Like, you wouldn't stoop so low, as if. But wait, it kind of goes hand in hand with negative self talk.
When you read something, see something, or gasp, compare yourself to someone and then let the feeling of jealousy, rage, pity for yourself, etc lead your way it is a recipe for downfall.
What do I mean? Well, (winky face) I think you know. If you say that when you see someone post something on instagram, per say, like a new car they bought. How shiny, how red, how leathery, what is the first thought that runs through your mind? Happiness?
Maybe for some. But if you're like me, if your not always the glass half full person, then the ugly voice of jealously rears it's head and makes itself known. Known so much that it's now hard to continue the happiness of your daily life because what they have is better than what you have.
But is it really? Are you comparing yourself to someone again? Are you allowing yourself to be ruled by fleeting feelings?
Don't get me wrong though. I completely realize that this is hard, that seeing someone else get something you covet, desire, want so desperately it brings tears to your eyes, is so hard you can't even describe it.
Here though, is where you have to realize that the jealously you feel, the anger, the self pity, is an emotion. And yes, emotions are strong. Yet they are weak.
They are weak in the sense that they cause you to be someone you who allows themselves to be pulled down, to be ruled by them. To base your life on what you're feeling.
Let me give you an example.
Feelings are great. Wonderful in fact. They are the base of everything in life. But we have a choice.
Yes, you heard me, we have a CHOICE to decide how we react (or feel) in a certain situations.
Really, we have the ability to decide how we react to every situation, good or bad.
If you have a bad day, if someone tells you that they thought the blog post you just wrote sucks, what do you do?
Do you allow yourself to fall into the pit of negative feelings? Do you let yourself be dragged down by self pity? Do you allow yourself to believe what one person, maybe a person who knows nothing about you, to dictate your life? Your happiness?
Sometimes we say yes to these questions. I know we don't think we do. But we do. We allow ourselves to believe the words someone says to us a truth. To believe that one bad day, one bad review, one bad recipe should define how we see ourselves. And we shouldn't.
If I could go back and slap myself for believing all the lies I've thought about myself I'd probably have the reddest face ever, but you know what I mean. We are all complicit.
Whether we set off to feel this way, knowingly or not, at some point in our lives, we believe the LIES we tell ourselves.
So stop now. Stop allowing your feelings, like anger, rage, jealously to dictate how you act. To dictate your level of happiness.
Because believe it or not. You can see something that someone has that's better than what you have and decide to either be happy for them, to be jealous, or hateful. Personally, which one would you prefer to be?
But now, now it's up to you. How do you want to live your life? In shackles? Chained to the world of self pity, or self doubt?
Do you want to always compare yourself to others or do you want to rise above. To make a choice about how you live, your happiness and chose to be happy with how you are, with what you did, made or have to offer?
Of course there's room for ambition, but not at the cost of your lifelong happiness.
So I implore you to think over these things. To meditate on them and realize that we always fall short of what we expect to do. We are human and therefore, are not perfect and no matter what we do or how hard we try, we will never be perfect.
But what matters now is what you decide--what you choose for your life.
So please, hit REPLY now and let me know what you're struggling with. What can I help you with? Please let me know.
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